They say opposites attract, and when I think of all those iconic duos (where one is shy, the other is outgoing; one has a personal rain cloud over them and the other is the human embodiment of sunshine) it seems right. They appear to work in tandem; what one lacks, the other makes up for. A constant state of perfect equilibrium, balance.
What I’ve come to realise is, if you’re opposites, you’re bound to be curious about the other and in turn be interested, but when it comes to the long haul, you’re probably not meant to be. It isn’t the extremes of the spectrum that complete each other, they seem more likely to cancel each other out! I assume that means maintaining a constant state of nothingness. In fact, such a couple would have to work twice as hard to meet at the middle.
The reality of the perfect two™ is that they aren’t opposites at all, they’re more similar than they know; not in their temperaments or attitude, but in their ideals. It comes down to understanding each other and how the other thinks and sees the world. If you both have similar goals in mind and understand each other, then you win a grand prize of happiness. If you’re opposites who think the exact inverse of the other, there’s bound to be a lag in understanding and making amends accordingly (you win -20 hrs from your life in order to get to the same page, but might be worth it ya know.)
Actually, let’s extend that metaphor. A relationship is like a book, if you both start from opposite ends of the book, you’re bound to meet at the middle at some point but you won’t understand the fan theories the other has (and will hence declare them stupid, and they, having seen you starting from the last page have already decided that you’re fucking insane). All you’ll understand is that they have a very different understanding of the same material you read and even if you try very hard to get their point, you won’t be able to. The only thing you’ll end up doing is accepting it as their opinion and attempt to reach a compromise. Compromise… that only leads to bitterness, don’t let the Indian Idea of successful marriages confuse you, repeated compromises from the one that hates confrontation will only lead to bitterness (ps: don’t bend too far or you’ll break). Sometimes being too understanding at your own expense is called being a pushover.
You know what opposites attract? They attract troubles and imbalance. Might be fun and games at first, but let’s see who’s laughing when one half of the see-saw never touches the ground and the other, who’s in control, never gets to take off.
Wow I’m on a roll, the power couple is supposed to be the one on level ground and sharing the weight (read: burden) almost equally and most importantly has the conscience to know how to distribute their time spent up or down. The ones that are truly happy are the ones who not only know what the other wants, but also have the courage to ask and tell them what they want. There should never be any guessing games in communication, help is always given to those who ask for it.
Adults confuse me (whelp, I am one now) but from what i understand, I am blind to subtlety, a strategy many adults use. Passive aggression goes right above my head, and I obviously, actively showcase my aggression. Now, listen closely, for I think I’ve found the secret formula to happiness, a way of identifying your soulmate. After all these years of observation, and an epiphany today,
I know that we should all be with that someone who understands us, who isn’t afraid to question our thought process and doesn’t enable our irrational behaviour. Someone who makes an effort to understand our side of the story but provides the rest so as to end all egocentric ideas, without judgement. Sounds implausible, but it isn’t. We all need someone who stops us from putting our head up our arse and then complain about neck pain. Someone that makes us want to feel like we can improve, who motivates and helps us better ourselves; if we don’t I’m afraid we’ll have to do it all alone [shudders] and all while maintaining an imbalanced act where we stretch and stretch like rubber bands to meet at the middle but never do, only snap.
My far more articulate, sapiosexual pal who prefers girthy books over girls added, “Other differences can indeed work in ways of completing each other. Competing ideas within the same framework, sometimes completely opposite but very productive due to being dialectical but mutually understood and both being open to the other in terms of the competing idea of the other.”
I’d like to conclude by saying, this is a working hypothesis you’ll get a card to the wedding in case I’m right (I am, I’ve made friends who complete me, indulge my psyche but call out my nonsense. They love me and I love them, we symbiotically help each other grow. It’s wonderful. None of that immature passive aggressive shit.)
Such a theory cannot be generalised for all, humans are far more complex that adding a touch of my bias due to my experiences can cause it to be an ill fit for most of you. I tend to exaggerate, even if you follow your heart and get with your polar opposite, there’s a good chance you both will work out a way to work together. Just remember that these aren’t the only two variables when it comes to human interaction. You might be opposites, you might be twins intellectually! but what matters is how well you work together
and play together, on the see-saw i.e. life.